


Unrequited Desire

by GhostyGooGirl



Category: Naruto
Genre: Clone Sex, Depression, Diary/Journal, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Male Slash, Masturbation, Underage Sex, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2014-11-21
Packaged: 2018-02-26 12:55:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2652770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostyGooGirl/pseuds/GhostyGooGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>M/M KakaNaru. Kakashi can't get over the fact he is lusting after a thirteen year old boy and is struggling to keep his emotionless facade in check. Little does he know Naruto feels the same way and is also having a hard time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Underage, yaoi, explicit sexual content  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and I do not intend to sell or make money from this work.
> 
> Come bug me on [Tumblr](http://damn-i-ship-that-pairing.tumblr.com/). I'll answer any questions you guys have about my fics/sin/Naruto in general.

It wasn't often that Hatake Kakashi drowned his sorrows in the sweet intoxication of alcoholic beverages, or to be more exact, sake. But this was one of the rare occasions where he let himself be overwhelmed with the joyous and carefree feeling of being completely intoxicated before the heavy feeling of his daily thoughts and emotions burdened him once more when he woke up the next morning. It wasn't like he couldn't handle the burden, infact he often thought it was the only thing keeping him rooted to the ground instead drifting off into the clouds, consumed in his own world, detached from reality. He liked the dull emotional pain that came with his thoughts, it reminded him just how far he had come since his days with Obito and Rin and the treacherous and violent days in ANBU.

Yet even he acknowledged that he was only human and could only handle so much before he had to let it all out in some way. The little orange book he carried around helped him quite a bit as a coping mechanism, an escape from reality but even that only helped to a certain point. So here he found himself at some bar, the name long forgotten, a glass of sake in hand, sitting on a stall, swaying dangerously, chatting happily away with a young blonde woman whom he had been buying drinks for for the past hour.

"So Kakashi, do you have anyone special in your life?" The young woman questioned. Letting out a small giggle, she placed her hand on his shoulder to stop him swaying.

"Special?" It took Kakashi a few moments to realize what she was asking. A flash of sun coloured hair, blue eyes and bright smile raced through his thoughts at the mention of 'someone special'. He grimaced and quickly erased that thought from his mind. It was wrong.

Becoming impatient after not really receiving a reply from the rather attractive man sat next to her she tried to coax him on. "Hmm yeah, someone special.. I mean someone you are romantically interested in?"

"...Someone that you love?" She continued, blushed slightly, removing her hand from his shoulder to rest on his knee.

"Ah...no." The copy nin replied.

"No there is no one special in my life." He lied. This was a night he was meant to be having some fun, to be getting away from real life for a few hours, to make the most of his free time between missions and teaching his genin team, to escape thoughts of his recent mission that had turned out to be a complete failure. To escape thoughts of  _him_.

He felt the hand that was resting on his knee move slowly up his leg, stopping halfway up his thigh. He looked up at the young woman, trying to focus properly on her face. Through hazy vision he managed to make out that a pink tinge had gone to her cheeks. If a strategically placed hand that was not far from his crotch was any indication, she was not blushing because of the alcohol.

"Ooh that's... Good." The blondes blush deepened even further, sending a rather seductive smile his way. Moving her hand from its resting place, she slid it even further up. That's when Kakashi finally came to his senses, standing up suddenly, feeling her hand drop from the mere centimeters it had been from touching his clothed member, then promptly toppling over backwards, ninja skills all but forgotten.

A loud smash was heard through the bar as his sake glass hit the floor, the young woman squealed and rushed over to his side, bending over him, revealing her cleavage. The few onlookers that were scattered around the bar, previously in deep conversation with each other spared glances at the two people who had caused all the fuss, some laughing and some sporting unimpressed expressions across their face.

"Are you alright Kakashi?!" She said leaning over him, offering her hand out to help him up.

Before he could reply, the angry voice of the bar tender was heard over the pop music that was playing in the background.

"Hey you two! You're way too drunk, You're gunna have to leave or I'm gunna have to forcefully remove you!"

Rubbing the back of his head the silver haired jounin stared on in confusion and heaved himself up off the cold, tiled floor with the help of the young lady. Not long after managing to actually remain balanced on both his feet they walked out of the bar, or rather Kakashi stumbled out while his partner supported him by snaking her arm around his waist.

"Aah.. I'm sorry about that, I've never really been able to hold my drink well." A blush spread across his cheeks, grateful that he was under the protection of his mask that he had thought to pull up before leaving the establishment, one visible eye the only thing giving his smile away.

"Don't worry about it." She gave him a bright smile, revealing a set of perfect teeth beneath her rosy, plump red lips. Now that Kakashi really looked at her from head to toe she really was a rather attractive specimen.

She had long blonde hair, much like the colour of Naruto's, cascading down her back, stopping just above her hips, she had average breasts, not too big but not too small, he could say that one would have nothing to complain about. Eyeing his way further down her body revealed that she had a slim waste and was clad in a tight black dress, stopping a few centimeters above her knees. He also noticed that she was shorter than him, but not by much, the top of her head roughly reaching the height of his shoulders. The things that stood out to him most about her though were her bright green eyes, red lips and bright yellow hair, contrasted against her pale skin. The more he looked the more he could feel the stir of want within him. The need to possess her. The need to dominate her. The need to feel completed and whole.

The need to forget, even for a night.

The young lady, who did infact have a name... Akiko, noticed the lust filled stares she was receiving so openly from Kakashi and felt herself blush deeply before once again grabbing him around the waste, blocking his view of most of her body.

"So.. Um do you have a home I could tak- help you back to?" She stammered.

Lulled out of the thoughts he was having of the blonde woman withering beneath him in ecstasy, he managed to half tell and half show her the general direction they should be walking in. The whole while trying very hard not to picture his young blonde student in various erotic positions instead. Very wrong _. He needed to stop this._  He felt absolutely disgusted with himself for having these thoughts, his student was just a young boy for fuck sake! He needed to regain some sort of tight leash on his thoughts, this could cause him a lot of trouble if people were to find out about his true feelings for a certain genin. In all his years never before had he been stuck in such a dilemma as this.

Before he could let that train of thought carry on to the point that he was wallowing in his own guilt, he grabbed Akiko by the hand and dragged her into a small dim alley way, not far from his apartment. He needed a distraction and he needed it now.

"Wha-" she was promptly cut off by the feeling of soft lips against her own. Heat pooling in the pit of her stomach, spreading through her whole body, making her go weak at the knees. Akiko pulled her head back letting out a content sigh as Kakashi pulled her body flush against his, hands wondering down her sides, onto her buttocks, squeezing as he started nipping and sucking hungrily at her neck. She let out a series if erotic moans as she could feel the copy nins hard length press up against her. No. He was  _grinding_  against her, the noises she was making only coaxing him on.

Feeling his hot breath against her ear and hearing little moans escape past his lips, he carried on his thorough exploration of her neck with his mouth, leaving red marks behind in his wake, making her go limp with pleasure at the pure want for her he was radiating. she had not wanted someone so very much for a very long time. Hearing the quiet desperation from his moans she could tell he  _needed_  release. She too wanted his touch badly, feeling her wetness that had soaked through her underwear but decided she would pleasure him first.

Dropping to her knees onto the hard ground beneath her, she hastily undid his trouser buttons, nimble fingers unzipping them the rest of the way, behind them revealing his hard length enclosed behind black cotton briefs. Pulling down his briefs to reveal his erection, Kakashi gasped at the sudden cool air hitting his sensitive skin. Flicking out her tongue to lick the tip of his leaking arousal made the silver haired nin shiver in anticipation and want. She was teasing him but he needed that hot mouth around his cock right this minute. He grabbed her by the back of her head, sinking his fingers into her soft locks, wanting to move her head to sate his needs, hesitant, waiting for her approval. He needn't wait long before her hot mouth enclosed him fully, tearing gasp after gasp from him.

Leaning against the the stone wall, tilting his head back with his lips parted, muffled moans escaping him, he let his eye close, losing himself to the sensation of her wet mouth and talented tongue. He let his thoughts wonder to the young boy for a moment, wondering what it would feel like if it were Naruto's mouth on him instead of Akiko's. He started forcing her to take more of his length into her mouth, to go deeper, to gain even more of the sweet pleasure he was gaining, thrusting his hips slightly. Wondering if his student would be just as good, just as tight, just as hot, just as- _STOP._  He had to stop there, he couldn't think of Naruto in that way. It was wrong. He had to keep telling himself... But God he wanted him so bad! He wanted to thrust into him, feel how tight he was, feel how the warm body beneath him would tremble from the sheer pleasure that would be racing through his body like electricity and it would all be because of Kakashi, no one else. Just him.  _The things he would do to him._

He could feel himself reaching his peak and was soon pushed over the edge when he looked down and saw the blonde hair, pale face and red lips bobbing up and down on his cock, but all he could think about was Naruto. His hips jerked and suddenly he was shuddering and gasping, barely managing to hold back the name that was on the tip of his tongue as he spilled his seed down her throat.

Coming back down from his high he let his head drop and his posture slump against the wall. Dizzy from his release and the high intake of alcohol running through his system he tucked his now softening member back into his briefs and pulled his trousers back up.

Just standing there in silence with Akiko still knelt by his feet he felt overwhelming guilt submerge him. He thought of the one person he was trying to forget at the brink of orgasm.  _He hated himself._ He hated himself so much for having such lack of self control, he hated himself for being such a sick perverted man, lusting over a young boy. A boy...he wasn't even gay! I mean, he hadn't thought he was. Surely that point was proven after having a beautiful young woman on her knees pleasuring him with her mouth but all he could think about was Naruto.

Guilt. Guilt because he couldn't bring himself to return the pleasure to the blonde haired woman infront of him. Guilt because he had used her in his moment of need, the need to forget when it hadn't even helped him forget.  _He was weak_. Guilt because she didn't deserve this. Guilt because Naruto didn't deserve this.

He slumped to the ground, his head level with Akikos. His apartment wasn't far, he could easily teleport to his bedroom from here. He leaned into to her, locking his mouth to her own, kissing her lightly. She whimpered slightly at the loss of contact as he pulled away.

"I'm sorry." was all Kakashi could choke out before disappearing in a puff of smoke, leaving behind a very confused young lady in a dark, damp alley way, hearing splatters of water hitting the ground and nearby rubbish as it started to rain.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning the storm had all but disappeared and it was a pleasant sunny day, albeit a bit damp. The village was bustling with life, people making their way down the market, smells of delicious food wafting into the air and the bickering and shouting of young children as they scooted between passers by, causing commotion.

Naruto had just left his apartment in a rush, hair still damp from his morning shower and orange jacket still half hanging off his lithe frame. Sprinting as fast as he could to get to the bridge where his team should have met up over twenty minutes ago, Which meant that he  _should_  have been there twenty minutes ago. It's not like this was anything new and it wasn't like Kakashi-sensei would be there yet either, the damn guy usually left team 7 waiting hours on end for him to bless them with his arrival.

Pushing his way through the crowd, rewarded with angry stares and offensive remarks he only manages to shout an "I'm sorry!" Over his shoulder before the little blur of orange had rounded a corner, soon appearing at the usual team 7 meeting place.

"NARUTO!"

Sakura's voice could probably be heard a mile away, and even then still deafen the person.

"YOU'RE LATE AGAIN, WHEN THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO LEARN TO BE ON TIME FOR ONCE?!"

She then stomped her way over the short distance between them to promptly smack Naruto on the head. HARD. "Sorry Sakura..." He mumbled. This was another common occurrence and quite frankly Naruto was getting fed up of him being mistreated by her on a daily basis. Sure at first he thought she was an awesome person and he admits that he did have a crush on her for quite some time but since spending so much time around both her and Sasuke he thought that her personality was her downfall. In his eyes it made her a rather ugly person but she also had potential to be a very lovely one.

A loud "hmphff" from her was all Naruto recieved as a reply as she stalked off in the direction of Sasuke to oggle his appearance and spew out her compliments of how great he was and how he was such an amazing ninja and if he would go out on a date with her.

Not really being in the mood to interact with  _anyone_  today, mainly because the lack of sleep he'd been getting, Naruto leant against the wooden rail of the bridge, folding is arms and leaning over slightly to watch the cool, refreshing water of the stream below him rush past in an almost hypnotizing way. Blocking out the loud voice of Sakura in the background he soon lost himself within his own thoughts.

Not long ago had he turned thirteen and it seemed that since then everything had gone down hill. Every year the villagers were reminded of the demon that almost destroyed their village, refuelling their resentment even more and then letting it all lose on Naruto. After all he did have that exact demon sealed within him. It had been this way his whole life though, years of being hated and despised by everyone he came in contact with was nothing new to him and so never really expected much from anyone.

This was not what was troubling him though. The truth was that he had become quite close to his new sensei over the past few months and respected him greatly, both as a talented shinobi, and as a trustworthy friend. There were very few people in Naruto's life that he could call a 'friend'. Iruka was perhaps the closest, but even then he saw him more as a farther figure, along with the sandaime himself.

Recently though, Kakashi-sensei had become withdrawn from him, where he was once always there for Naruto, to answer his never ending stream of questions, to joke about with, to eat ramen with, to learn from, even the slight friendly touches he received from him. They'd all gone. They had all been replaced with... Well... Nothing. Most of the time the copy nin would ignore him or refuse to even acknowledge his mere presence. Even when Naruto would ask him a question Kakashi would give him a strange look, be blunt and answer as quickly as possible before hurrying off to read his perverted book in some tree, or to just avoid him completely for the rest of the day.

The blonde haired youth truly had no idea what he had done wrong. What had he done that was bad enough to piss off one of the most laid back people he had ever met? For weeks now he had racked his brain for some sort of solution but no matter how hard he tried to get through to the jounin he just couldn't.

Perhaps it was the fact he wasn't training hard enough? He always thought he put 100% into becoming a fully fledged, professional shinobi. It was why he was not sleeping well at night. He would spend hours after hours just practising different jutsu, working on controlling his chakra and practising hard with his throwing aim, trying his best to keep himself fit. Not only would he be physically tired by the time he stumbled into bed but also mentally and emotionally drained after being kept up all night reading educational scrolls and having detrimental thoughts of not being good enough. His sensei, up until recently, had always made him feel motivated and always supported both him and the rest of the team to always try their hardest. Now though the silver haired man was focusing more on Sasuke than anyone.

Having Kakashi-sensei withdraw such affection from Naruto over night was a shock. It hurt that it wasn't the same between them anymore, infact it surprised the young jinchuuriki how much it really did hurt. He never thought it would be this bad. It seems that you really don't know what you've got until it's gone. Or more like forcefully ripped away from you.

Before the blonde could carry on his trail of thought a small puff was heard from behind him, he didn't need to look over his shoulder to know who it was. He had given up trying to restore their friendship or student teacher relationship long ago now. He knew a lost cause when he saw one.

"Kakashi-sensei you're la-" Sakura cut herself off when she saw the state of the jounin standing before her.

Clad in his usual jounin outfit, flak jacket unzipped and mask, along with Hitai-ate firmly in place, he didn't seem all that bad until you really looked. He had a dark shadow under his eye, a sure sign of lack of sleep, slumped posture, scruffier hair if that were even possible and from the skin that was visible he was sporting an extremely pale complexion. Overall giving off a rather shabby appearance. He hadn't even bothered to take out the orange book he always carried around with him.

"Yo," was his poor excuse of a greeting, drowsiness could be heard through is tone.

It was then that Naruto turned around and looked up at his sensei, their eyes meeting for a few seconds. He offered a smile to the taller man but instead the jounin quickly turned his gaze away to focus on the remaining two members of the team, giving them his full attention like Naruto didn't exist.

"Uhhh... Today will just be basic training... Uhh, sparring and... Mmm... Stuff..." He stated quietly, distracted by his own thoughts. He seemed so out of character it was scary. Both Sakura and Naruto just gaped at him while Sasuke had a disapproving look spread across his face.

An awkward silence settled between all four of them. It was then that Kakashi decided it was best to just leave them to it and walked past the three genin, heading towards the nearest tree, only to be stopped in his tracks by Sakura.

"Um, Kakashi-sensei? Do you think we could perhaps learn something new today? Every task you've given us so far we've completed."

Kakashi turned around, hands in his pockets, not really looking at anything in particular while he thought the question through. He grimaced.

"Not today Sakura, I've had a long couple of days and right now I have a splitting headache, and anyway it won't hurt to practice a little more," the edge of his eye crinkled, showing that he was smiling underneath his mask. He then promptly turned back around, stalking off to his destination before jumping onto a branch, sitting back against the tree trunk and resting his head against it, willing his headache to disappear.

"Hn, the smell of alcohol was practically radiating off of that idiot," came the voice of the unimpressed raven haired boy that was leant against the railings. "So much for training... I'm out of here."

He then stalked past Sakura and Naruto back towards the village, not looking back or even acknowledging a keen pink haired kunoichi trailing close behind him after giving Kakashi a quick, concerned glance.

Naruto, not really sure what to do with himself but not wanting to waste valuable training time, looked around him for some sort of inspiration. Sparing a glance at his sensei in the distance propped up on a tree, now reading his book, he thought for a moment to head over there and perhaps try and start a conversation with him that would last more than a few seconds. He decided against it though, opting to head further into the forest to practice sparring with some of his shadow clones.

As he walked past the tree his Jounin instructor was sat in, he stopped in his tracks and spared a glance upward, blue eyes meeting one stony, dark orb. Neither said anything, both holding their gaze with eachother. It seemed like an eternity before the older of the two turned his gaze away and was once again absorbed in his book. Looking down, a sad expression pasted on Naruto's face he mumbled something under his breath.

"What have I done wrong?" He asked to no one in particular, or so he thought. Perhaps it really was aimed at his sensei? Not that he expected to get a reply either way.

"Sorry Naruto, did you say something? I didn't quite catch that." Kakashi asked with a hint of confusion in his voice. Staring blankly at the blonde who had his head lowered, eyes fixed on one seemingly interesting spot on the ground.

"Nothing," the blonde mumbled again before continuing on his way through the forest, emitting an air of sadness.

* * *

A few weeks had passed and nothing had progressed between Naruto and Kakashi, infact it seemed to have deteriorated. A lot of the time the jounin wouldn't even show up for training and so each day team 7 would either spar against one another, trying their best to learn new things about their teammates and themselves or would sort out other experienced shinobi to help them along whenever could. On the rare occasion that Kakashi would grace them with his presence, often too exhausted to do anything anyway, he was bombarded with so many ninja related questions that by the time he'd answered them half the training time would have been wasted.

The blue eyed jinchuuriki had become even more subdued in his own thoughts and was a mere shadow of his old self. Falling into a deep depression, he had given up on pretty much everything, so it seemed. No longer was he the bright, cheerful young ninja with a deep determination to overcome every obstacle in his path, but was now more withdrawn from the people and the world around him. The ones closest to him that had noticed his suffering had tried to help him but nothing had prevailed as of yet. No longer was he being kept awake at night due to extra training but because of the never ending thoughts that he would have of his sensei. Thoughts that had turned from wanting to impresses him and in return have Kakashi acknowledge his existence to wanting the same thing albeit a lot more physical contact with his mentor. It couldn't be healthy. He would often dream of being pinned down by a strong body above him, rough hands sliding against his sensitive skin, tender lips kissing his neck.

The blue eyed blonde would always wake up panting heavily, sweat lacing his body and once he had calmed down Naruto would consider the dream and brush it off as being too obsessed with wanting to please his teacher and that it meant nothing. Trying his best to completely deny the fact that he could possibly be attracted to the older man in any way. He would then either take a cold shower or clean up the evidence of the dream the night before.

All of team 7 on a number of occasions had asked Kakashi if they could have extra training from him, which he would abruptly decline before saying something about S-ranked missions.

It was then, when Naruto was heading for the training grounds in his spare time, that he was surprised to see Sasuke getting a private lesson with none other than the masked jounin himself.

Hiding behind a tree, the blue eyed teen decided to watch the sparring match between the two. It wasn't long before Sasuke was overpowered and pinned to the ground by his wrists with his sensei hovering above him. They paused in that position for longer than was necessary before a few words were shared between the two but Naruto was too far away to hear anything.

Once Kakashi had helped Sasuke up they started heading out of the training grounds together, both pausing a few metres from the tree Naruto was hiding behind, to finish their conversation.

"Mmm, yes you have improved a lot Sasuke, and I'm sure it won't be long until you master that new jutsu of yours."

"Hah, same time next week then?" Sasuke actually sounded happy for once. A smile was heard through his voice.

There was a short pause between their conversation. Thinking Naruto had been caught eavesdropping he gulped in some air and held his breath.

"Right. Yea same time next week, cya Sasuke."

A few seconds later and then he could hear footsteps running off towards the direction of the village and then heard a small puff, indicating the other occupant had teleported.

Letting himself breath again, Naruto slumped against the tree. So Sasuke was getting private lessons from Kakashi-sensei? The shock and curiosity of the discovery quickly turned to anger and resentment. He was angry at Kakashi. The amount of excuses he came up with just to avoid his pupils when they had asked him for extra training, it pissed Naruto off to no end that his own sensei couldn't even be bothered to teach them on a regular day, let alone show up, but here he was meeting up with Sasuke, and maybe even Sakura, each week and in his  _free time!_  He was extremely pissed off with the jounin, yes, but he _resented_  Sasuke. He resented him because Sasuke was the one being acknowledged for his strength and prowess, Sasuke was the one learning a new jutsu, Sasuke was the one getting extra attention from Kakashi when Naruto got fuck all! He resented Sasuke because he wanted to  _be_  Sasuke. No. He wanted to be  _in_  Sasukes place, to be sparring with Kakashi, to be recognized by him, to feel his touch again.

He was abruptly bought out of his stupor though when two hands smashed into the tree just above his head. A tall figure leered infront of him. The man kneeled down, sliding his hands down to rest firmly either side of Naruto's head until he was eye level with the blonde. Suddenly feeling very trapped and very vulnerable, Naruto tried to escape the person infront of him but was stopped when the man pushed further up against his body, slim hips placed between both of his legs, ceasing any movement from the boy. Shutting his eyes tightly, he prayed that no harm would come to him.

"Naruto... Stop. Calm down."

Snapping his eyes open he managed to focus his vision on the man before him. Silver hair, one dark eye, pale skin and a mask. Yep. It was the man that troubled his thoughts from the moment he woke up to the moment he fell asleep. The man that haunted his dreams at night.

Suddenly realizing the close proximity of the jounin, Naruto's body couldn't help but react. He willed himself to stay calm but was failing miserably when he could feel the other man adjust his position slightly to get more comfortable, hips shifting against his now half hard cock underneath his orange trousers.

"Kakas-"

"What are you doing here Naruto? You deliberately hid yourself from me and Sasuke."

Trying to form some sort of explanation in his jumbled thoughts, the only thing he could come up with was, "I-I didn't want to disturb either of you s-so I waited until you were both f-finished."

Sighing heavily, the silver haired man lowered his head, shifted his gaze from Naruto to the floor, moving one of his gloved hands to rest on the crook of Naruto's neck. Now unable to see the mans face, Naruto squirmed underneath his senseis grip, a blush spreading across his cheeks.

Unconsciously, Kakashi moved his thumb, brushing against the blondes sensitive neck. Naruto's heart beat faster, his erection firmly pressed again his teachers body. He was hoping Kakashi hadn't noticed his arousal but his body decided to betray him even more by leaning into the touch, his head tilted back slightly, lips parted as he let out a quiet moan.

Snapped his head back up to meet the boys wanton gaze, cerulean blue eyes meeting one dark. What Naruto saw reflected back at him was something Naruto had never seen before in another person. No one had ever looked at Naruto the way Kakashi was looking at him right now. All that Naruto could see from Kakashi was pure  _want._  His senseis smouldering gaze directed at him, and only him.

Naruto's breath hitched in his throat, making his body jerk as the other mans thumb rubbed against his neck again. The reaction alone he received from the older man almost made him lose it. Kakashi actually _growled_  at him. He could feel the jounins stare burning through him,  _seeing_  him,  _wanting_  him, making him feel vulnerable but turning him on more and more the longer he was at the receiving end of  _that_ look.

"Mmmnnn," was all that was heard from his sensei in desperation as the man closed his eyes and leant in to place his masked lips centimetres from the boys throat, breathing in the blondes scent sent a shiver through his body.

Naruto was over come by the heat of the mans body pressed against his, it was like his dreams had become reality. He hadn't known how much he wanted  _this_  until now.

Breathing heavily, heart hammering in his chest, he tentatively moved his hips to gain some sort of friction, unable to control himself any longer. Moaning from the sweet pleasure that was jolting through his body he increased the pace of his thrusts, grabbed a handful of silver hair, feeling the body infront of him shivering with the sheer willpower to not lose control and take the boy there and then up against the tree.

Panting heavily, the copy nin clenched his hand that was resting against the rough bark of the tree, desperately trying to keep himself in check. Letting out a strangled moan against the nape of Naruto's neck, he quickly backed off, untangling his body from the other and stood with his back to the blonde.

Not looking back at the boy that had now dropped down to sit on the floor in a daze, Kakashi slowly raised one hand to cover his only visible eye. What the fuck had he done? All his hard work to try and get over the fact he was attracted to a thirteen year old, to  _force_  himself not be attracted to  _him_... He had fucked it up. Yes he had been avoiding the boy, he even admits that he had been quite cruel to him but it was because of this exact reason. He  _hated_  himself for doing this to Naruto, but it was necessary. How would either of them live it down if he, as the responsible adult, would force himself onto an underage child, one that was his student, if he did nothing about his sick attraction? It scared him shitless to think what the boy did to him whenever he was around. Even if Naruto felt them same way how could he be so cruel as to take the kids virginity, his innocence away just for his own pleasure? It was wrong, he was still so young. He had come so close to his well practiced self control snapping a moment ago. As much as he loved Naruto, he couldn't be here right now, and he wouldn't. For both of their sakes he had to leave now.

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Lowering his arm to rest limply by his side, Kakashi refused to look at the boy sat on the ground by the tree. The silver haired nin could smell the blondes arousal like it was taunting him,  _tempting_  him to carry on from where they had left off.

"Kakashi-sen-"

"We have an escort mission to complete tomorrow. Meet me and the rest of the team by the main gate at 7.00am. Don't be late," the jounin managed to croak out, his throat feeling very dry all of a sudden, and then with a few quick hand signs he disappeared into a cloud of smoke.

Reappearing at his apartment door, Kakashi fumbled around in his pockets to pull out a silver key. Sliding it into the brass keyhole he hastily unlocked the door and stepped inside. Slamming the door behind him he stumbled backwards, his back hit solid metal and a few seconds later his rigid posture relaxed until he looked completely at ease with his surroundings. Closing his eyes and sighing heavily he thought about what had just conspired between him and Naruto. What would happen now? What would he say to the kid when he next saw him? Perhaps he should ask the Hokage for someone else to replace him as team 7's sensei? Or perhaps he should never bring up the incident again, act like nothing happened? It was a mistake after all. A mistake he had thoroughly enjoyed.

Coming back to his senses he realised he still had a slight physical problem to deal with. Groaning in frustration he briefly considered leaving it or having a cold shower but there was no time. He had agreed to help out with team 8's training while Kurenai was on a mission. Infact, he was already late.

Fumbling with his button and zip, the copy nin slipped his trousers and briefs down past his slim hips and pulled his leaking erection out. Hissing at the sensation as he wrapped his gloved hand around the hard length and swiped the precum with his thumb agonisingly slowly around his tip, lingering within the sensation that was almost too pleasurable that it bordered on painful. With his heart beating fast within his chest and his breathing rapidly sped up, he starting pumping his cock slowly. The thoughts that sped through his mind were of Narutos lithe frame trapped against the tree by the copy nins body, the smell of the boys scent mixed with arousal hovering in the air around them, Naruto grinding his erection against Kakashis hip, moaning aloud in pleasure.

Speeding up his repetitive hand movement against the warm hardness beneath it, his thoughts turned to what could have happened if he had let the situation progress. He would have most likely taken the blonde up against the tree or perhaps on the grassy floor. Or would he have been able to hold back until he could fuck Naruto senseless on the bed that was mere metres away from him now? The hand around his cock right now could have been someone else's, or perhaps someone's else's mouth or...

His movements became jerky as he thrust his hips upwards in an attempt to increase his own pleasure as he could feel his climax approaching. Yes. If he had let himself lose control today he would have made sure Naruto couldn't walk for atleast a week.

Parting his lips beneath his mask, Kakashi let his head fall back against the door, a gutteral moan escaped past his dry throat as he shuddered through his orgasm, cumming hard he tried his best to restrain the name that wanted to slip past his lips.  _Naruto_...

The only noise in the room was the jounins heavy panting and the occasional drip of his release hitting the wooden floor beneath him. As he was slowly dragged back down after his orgasm induced high, reality hit him. The guilt that Kakashi had been experiencing over the last few months came flooding back tenfold. He had never willingly fantasized about Naruto so openly while pleasure himself, or atleast not without putting up some sort of inward battle about morals and such.  _This was so, so wrong..._

Grabbing some tissue from the bathroom he cleaned himself and the floor up, rearranging his jounin uniform to look more respectful again. Clenching his fists tightly by his sides he tried his best to restrain the anger and self loathing fighting up a storm inside of him. It made him feel sick. How was he ever going to get over lusting after a young boy? He had tried and tried over and over again to stop himself but nothing was working! It was even effecting his sex life to the point that he couldn't bring himself to even be with anyone anymore, perhaps unless on the rare occasion he met a blue eyed blonde woman, but even then he was at the constant risk of saying the wrong name during his orgasm... It was too risky and was quite frankly making him paranoid.

Growling out loud in frustration he slammed his hand into the plastered wall, leaving a fist sized hole in his wake. Not moving as cracks spread across the wall he leant his forehead against the smooth surface, closing his eye. Standing there with his fist still buried within the plaster, the stinging sensation from his knuckles finally being processed through his mind, he took deep breathes in and out, calming himself down after the sudden outburst of rage.

_'What should I do?'_

He frowned.

Grimacing in pain as he removed his hand from the cracked plaster he could see the cuts left on his fingers and could feel the damage done to his knuckles underneath his glove. His hand, to his annoyance, was dripping quite a lot of blood. Grabbing some bandages from the bathroom draw he removed his glove, cleaned the wounds and disinfected them, then started wrapping the soft white fabric around his hand and wrist. It would have to do for now.

Halfway through tending to his wound he heard a loud knock at the door. Walking across the room he twisted the doorknob with his free hand and pulled the door open. Standing just outside was a short boy with a small white dog.

"Ah. Kiba is it? With Akamaru?" Kakashi asked blandly, continuing to wrap the bandage around his wounded hand, staring at the youth before him.

"Uh yea... Hi Kakashi-sensei. I was sent here to-"

Frowning, Kiba cut himself off, sniffing the air intently before abruptly ceasing his actions, a pink tinge spreading across his face. Averting his eyes downward he continued. "To remind you that you were meant to meet up with our team today... Incase you'd... Y'know... Forgotten..."

Shifting uncomfortably under Kakashi's gaze, he waited patiently for a reply.

_'Hmmm, I wonder what's gotten into him'_  Kakashi thought.

"No I hadn't forgotten." Kiba's blush deepened. "But..." Kakashi patted his trouser pockets a couple of times before reaching into his supply pouch. Seemingly unsuccessful in his search he shrugged. "I seem to have misplaced my book. I was so busy looking for it I must have not realized the time. Anyway, let's get going."

Walking out of the apartment, he turned to lock the door. It was then that Kiba caught sight of the blood seeping through the older mans newly placed bandage.

"Sensei your hand... Are you-"

"It's fine Kiba, I just hurt it earlier while sparring." He turned to the boy giving him an eye smile to reassure him before walking in the direction of the training grounds.

Not completely convince by the excuse team 8's substitute teacher had given him, the brunette decided to leave it and headed after Kakashi to spend the remainder of the day training.

Arriving at the training ground Kakashi caught sight of Shino and Hinata, to his relief Naruto was nowhere to be seen. Giving the two genin a quick greeting he showed them step by step what their training would entail for the next few hours while he kept an eye on them.

While he was here he may aswell look for his Icha Icha book, it was the last place he had had it after all, before the incident. He briefly wondered how he had even managed to lose it, he always kept it in his supply pouch when he wasn't reading it. Giving the others reassurance that if they needed any help they need only ask, he bounced off in search of his beloved orange book.

A few hours had passed and still there was no sign of the item anywhere.

_'Perhaps someone had picked it up earlier. Ah well I'll check it out when I get back from the next mission.'_

Noticing the sun was lowering and the light fading Kakashi headed back to where team 8 were training, waving them over so he could end the session.

"Ok guys I think that's enough for today, time to get going."

The three genin nodded their thanks but only two of the three turned and sprinted off towards the village. The Hyuga of the group was standing sheepishly next to Kakashi with her hands behind her back, slight blush gracing her porcelain cheeks and staring intently at the ground.

"Um Kakashi-sensei? A-are you seeing N-Naruto tomorrow?" she stuttered shyly, not removing her grey eyes from their fixed point on the ground.

Rubbing the back of his head Kakashi felt utterly exhausted. He had no time for young girls and their silly little crushes and was in no mood to talk about Naruto of all people. Holding back a sigh he considered saying no, but what was the point? He may aswell hear what she had to say.

"Yeah sure, is there something you need him for?"

"I- Um I-" Hinata blushed to an even deeper red, shifting uncomfortably. "I- um," Kakashi, looking down at her with his well practiced 'bored' look, which was now leaning more towards frustration as the seconds ticked by. He really wasn't in the mood for this.

"Hinata? Is this leading anywhere or...?"

"Y-yes sorry Kakashi-sensei, I was wondering if you c-could pass this on to N-Naruto," Reaching into her trouser pocked she pulled out a folded, white piece of paper with the name 'Naruto' sprawled across the front in fancy handwriting. Some sort of love note or confession by the looks of it. He wasn't surprised, everyone knew how much she was pining after Naruto. Heh... He was one to talk. Handing it out tentatively to Kakashi, still not making any eye contact, he took it from her before frowning slightly and slipping it into his pocket. The poor girl looked like she was going to faint.

"Of-course. I'll hand it to him first thing in the morning," hoping that that was all she wanted to say so he could start making his way home, looking forward to a nice dinner, warm shower and a good nights sleep.

Finally looking up and making brief eye contact, cheeks still pink, she gave him a bright smile. "Thanks Kakashi-sensei, I hope you have a good night."

She then bowed politely before taking off through the now orange tinted twilight surroundings. Finely-shaped eyebrows knitted together in curiosity as Kakashi briefly pondered what was written on the letter Hinata had handed him. It was very tempting to pull it out of his pocket and take a quick look but he knew better. It was none of his business after all... But still, if it had something to do with Naruto...  _No_. It was nothing to do with Kakashi, after all he should be happy that the young jinchuuriki could have a potential girlfriend within the next few weeks. He  _should_  be happy.

Grimacing, he stuffed his hands into his pockets, his posture nonchalant and relaxed as ever as he made his way home slowly, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere that usually graced Konoha in the evenings.

* * *

Groaning, Naruto collapsed onto his bed, face buried in his plump pillow. He had just gotten back from being treated to Ichiraku ramen by Iruka, who had, throughout the whole evening, asked multiple times whether he had a girlfriend yet and starting hinting towards Hinata being the one to solve all his problems like she was a god send. Shame  _Hinata_  wasn't the focus of his affections though.

Sighing, he flipped himself over so he was lying on his back, body spread out like a starfish. Staring up at the ceiling thoughts flitted through his mind of earlier this morning. He felt like an idiot, he should have known better than to assume Kakashi-sensei had wanted him in  _that_  way or come to think of it in any way atall considering how the jounin had been treating him the past few months. And here  _he_  was, not being able to control his own stupid body and had resorted to rutting against his own sensei like some untrained dog.

And then Kakashi had stood up and refused to look at him  _atall_ , instead stating their next mission would be starting tomorrow morning before abruptly leaving him without even a glance over his shoulder. He must have felt so disgusted with Naruto that he was sure that what little him and his sensei had had previously was now completely ruined. And then there was the look that the taller man had directed at him. Had Naruto misinterpreted it? Most likely. Even if it had been what it was it sure as hell wasn't for his own student.

_'Way to go Naruto for fucking things up again.'_

And to top it all off Naruto had had to run to the nearest public bathroom to sort his own 'problem' out. The whole time thinking about his own silver haired, masked teacher screwing him up against the bathroom wall.

He felt absolutely mortified with himself. He wasn't really sure what to say to the man next time he saw him - which would be in roughly... 4 hours time. Great. Another sleepless night, had he really been lying here  _this_  long? He decided the best option was to just pretend it never happened.

_'Hmmph, I better get some sleep.'_

Sitting up and twisting his body to slide off the bed, he removed his clothing, letting it drop to the floor so that he was clad in only his shuriken patterned boxers. Walking to the small kitchen and grabbing a glass from the cupboard, he poured himself a drink of water, letting the cool liquid slide down his dry throat. Leaving the glass by the sink he made his way back to the bed with only the moonlight streaming in from the window to guide him.

He slipped under the covers and rested his head on the pillow, unruly bright yellow hair spread out around him. He closed his beautiful blue eyes and waited for the darkness of sleep to consume him. Yet sleep wouldn't take him, instead left him to suffer with his inner turmoil a little longer. Thoughts drifted to something Iruka had suggested he do to help express his true emotions, even if they were not spoken aloud.

_Flashback._

_He was sat on one of the branches of a tree in his free time, looking out at the four shinobi practicing taijutsu. He had no idea who they were, he had never met them before but sitting here alone just watching people come and go made him feel relaxed and also seemed the only thing to inspire him to carry on his ninja training. He was losing inspiration fast with all the mixed emotions that were building up inside of him and the lack of support he was getting. He was usually so outgoing and had no trouble expressing how he felt but this was not something he felt comfortable enough to speak to_ anyone  _about._

_Feeling a presence jump up to sit next to him, he knew who it was before the other even managed to speak._

" _Hey Naruto,"_ _Iruka offered the young boy a friendly smile._

_Tilting his head to the side he offered the brunette a half-hearted grin. "Hey Iruka-sensei."_

_Not really bothering to initiate a conversation he turned his attention back to the four figures below them._

_"Feeling down again huh? Anything I can help with?" A hint of sadness and worry laced through his voice._

_Feeling guilty that he couldn't even keep an appearance up for his friends, Naruto just shook his head. "Sorry Iruka-sensei, I'm just not up for anything today."_

_"Hmm ok Naruto," there was a pause for a moment. "Y'know if it's something you don't feel comfortable talking to anyone about you can always write your inner most thoughts down on some paper or in a diary. It helps relieve tension for a lot of people, especially shinobi who have seen a lot of terrible things and have a hard time expressing how they feel. It's better than keeping it all in afterall, and you don't need to be a genius to know that that's not good for your health. Just be sure to either burn the piece of paper after or just don't read it back to yourself until you're more mentally stable. There's no point absorbing your problems again after you've just written them all out." Turning his head to the boy sitting next to him, the boy he considered a son, he gave him a smile._

_"Anyway, I'm off, got a few things to do at the academy but if you need anything you know where to find me."_

_"Ah thanks Iruka-sensei, you've been very helpful," Naruto said quietly sending the chunnin a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes._

_Ruffling the boys hair, Iruka turned around and jumped off the tree to land gracefully on his feet, giving Naruto one last worried look before walking off._

_End flashback._

Seemingly not being able to get any sleep, Naruto rolled onto his side and reached over to search the bedside table draw for his diary and a pen. Ever since Iruka had mentioned writing his problems down, almost two months ago, he had been doing it pretty much every night. It had become a sort of habit now and part of his daily routine. As Iruka had said, write down your problems but don't reread them, and Naruto had stuck to that, never looking back at what he had written.

Sprawling down the first things that came to mind, the things that were most bothering him, even the smallest of troubles that upset him even if they seemed stupid, he started to feel better with every sentence he wrote. When he finally finished he closed the diary and let it rest on his lap while he rubbed his wrist and moved his fingers about, attempting to regain some feeling into them. Looking at the clock next to him it flashed 4:52am. Naruto looked out the window and could see the blackness of the night start to give way to the first morning rays.

Sighing, he let himself drop back to lay flat on the mattress, not managing to find the energy to move. Letting his heavy eyelids droop he felt himself shift silently into the realm of sleep. His last thoughts being that of his sensei. That night he did not dream.


	4. Chapter 4

Casually striding towards the main gate, hands in his pockets, the morning sun reflecting off of silver hair, Kakashi casually registered that none of his team had shown up yet apart from the young Uchiha.

It wasn't surprising though, there was still fifteen minutes to wait until 7am. What  _was_  surprising was the fact that the infamously late ninja had actually shown up on time for once, not only that but was  _early._

Reaching the arranged meeting place he offered an eye smile to the boy standing before him.

"Good morning Sasuke, how are you?"

"Good morning sensei."

Kakashi observed the raven haired boy, mere feet away from him. Looking up at the man through glossy, dark bangs, a strangely seductive look could be perceived through glazed eyes as a half smile grace his lips. "I feel a lot better now."

Frowning ever so slightly Kakashi thought it may have been a one-off, deciding to leave it for now but noted the strange speculation within the recesses of his mind to analyse at a further date. In the mean time he was going keep an eye on the kids strange behaviour.

Sensing a familiar chakra approaching, he turned his head away from Sasuke and was greeted with the sight of Sakura sprinting towards them, waving.

"Hey Sasuke! Hey sensei! I'm not late am I?" The pink haired girl shouted in greeting.

Finally reaching her destination she stopped by the two males. Panting heavily from her exertion she bent over, placing her hands on her knees.

"Hello Sakura. No you're not late, we've still got ten minutes to spare."

"Oh ok," she responded with a smile, "I see we're waiting on Naruto still. I heard this is an escort mission? Who are we escorting Kakashi-sensei?"

Sasuke, seemingly intent on knowing the answer aswell, fixed his gaze on Kakashi. A very similar gaze as to the one before. Looking away from the Uchiha he lifted a hand from his pocket, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. He concentrated more of his attention on the kunoichi, feeling quite uncomfortable with the boy's eyes boring into him like that. He could have been mistaken but swore he could  _feel_ Sasuke eyeing his sturdy form up from head to toe. It wasn't an easy feat to unnerve Hatake Kakashi with one look.

"What an accomplishment," Kakashi murmured, the words uttered barely audible to anyone but himself.

Sakura seemed to be oblivious to it all.

"We are escorting a young lady to the village hidden in the grass. She is a VIP and there is reason for suspicion that there may be a group of rouge ninja planning to kidnap her and hold her for ransom. That is why she requested that shinobi accompany her on her journey home. Our job is to make sure she arrives safely."

Both students nodded their understanding as an uncomfortable silence settled between all three of them. Kakashi, without having a book to pull out to add to his usual air of indifference, didn't really have a clue what to do with himself. He knew he should try and strike up a conversation with his students but having not spent a lot of time around them lately, didn't have a clue what to say. He was soon saved though when Sakura started her usual attempts at wooing Sasuke into a date and looking disappointed when he brushed her off with his cool exterior. It uneased Kakashi that every chance the boy got he spared a glimpse in his direction. How had he not noticed this before now?

Ten minutes or so passed and soon a tall, slim young lady was escorted to the main gate by a brown haired chunnin that Kakashi had never met before.

"Team Kakashi?" The chunnin asked wearily.

"Yes, we are team Kakashi," the jounin confirmed.

Eyeing the three shinobi up, a brief look of uncertainty flittered across his face before his previous irritable expression was once again on display.

"Aren't there meant to be four of you?"

The copy nin, brushing the man's crude behaviour off, fleetingly pondered where the hell Naruto was. He specifically told him not to be late. Before he could reply, Sakura interjected the conversation.

"Naruto is always late! I'm sure he'll be here soon."

"Mmm yea well ok, she's all yours now," the chunnin, not waiting for a reply sprinted off and jumped onto the nearest roof before disappearing from view.

"What the hell was his problem!?" An exasperated Sakura hollered.

Shrugging, the silver haired nin turned to the lady before him. She had elegant features, dark eyes and pale complexion. long white silky hair was held up by a top notched ponytail that let her soft locks cascade down her back. She wore a green and black kimono, emerald studded golden jewellery strapped around her throat and wrists. In one hand she held a backpack and in the other a deliciously juicy looking red apple.

"Hello, I'm Kakashi and these two -" he gestured in turn to each student, "are Sasuke and Sakura. We are just waiting on one other to show up before we head off. His name is Naruto."

Both students nodded their greeting while Kakashi offered her an eye smile in attempt to be friendly.

Offering the team a bright grin, she looked over each figure infront of her.

"Greetings, Kakashi, Sasuke and Sakura, it is nice to meet you. You may call me Kayoko." She bowed.

* * *

Kakashi, having resorted to leaning against one of the large wooden gates, arms crossed over his chest, was peering at the white puffy clouds that drifted across the pale blue sky. While Sasuke was in a similar position staring intently at the stony ground, Sakura was standing with one hand on her hip and one hand balled into a tight fist by her side, anger increasing with every passing minute. As for Kayoko, she was standing in the exact same position as she was forty-five minutes ago, having consumed her apple out of boredom.

A loud huff was heard from the pink haired kounichi's trembling form. The hand that was placed on her hip was now by her side, mimicking her other hand.

"GRRRR! Kakashi-sensei where the hell is Naruto!? He's almost an hour late!" Outrage radiated through her voice.

It was true. With Naruto continuously on his mind as it was, Kakashi had been wondering the same thing for forty minutes now.

With a loud sigh he pushed his athletic form away from the large gate to stand straight, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Mah, you're right Sakura, I have no idea what's taking him so long. I'll head over to his flat and take a look. I'll be back shortly."

* * *

Tapping his foot irritably, standing outside of Naruto's apartment door, Kakashi knocked again for the fourth time.

"Naruto? Are you in there?"

No answer.

Having become impatient and fed up with waiting, the jounin rapidly made his way around to Naruto's bedroom window, bringing a hand up to knock loudly on the glass.

The figure on the bed stirred in his sleep, sticking an arm out of the orange duvet to fumble around for his electronic alarm clock.

Clearly only just registering the time through his sleep hazed mind, a muffled  _'shit'_  was heard from behind the window before the duvet was flung across the bed and a blur of yellow hair and tanned skin swung himself out of bed, clad only in his boxers. Tripping over the pile of clothes left on the floor from last night he promptly face planted the hard wooden surface of his floorboards.

Stifling a laugh, Kakashi knocked loudly on the window again. He saw Naruto turn his head to look up at the window, a startled expression gracing his aesthetic features. A muffled groan of pain was heard as the boy pushed himself up off the floor. He ran over to the window, opened it up and took a few steps back to let his sensei in.

"Kakashi-sensei," he greeted with a jaded smile.

Kakashi gracefully jumped down from the windowsill and gave Naruto a once over. Startled, he wished he hadn't and directed his gaze elsewhere,  _anywhere_  but the boy.

"Ah... Naruto..." He sputtered, coughing as he deliberately shifted his head to the side and fixed his eye on one of the, now very interesting, walls.

Thoroughly confused by Kakashi's reaction, the blonde knitted his eyebrows together. Thinking that it was perhaps his lack of attire, he looked down to study himself only to be greeted with the sight his tented boxers. He went a profusely bright shade a red.

"AHHH!" He shouted, stumbling back. Feeling utterly embarrassed he grabbed part of the duvet hanging off the end of the bed to hide his erection.

Naruto just stood there, face red and hands fisting the duvet over his private area while he shifted from one foot to the other, willing his erection to disappear. It's quite difficult to do such a thing when the man you're lusting after is mere feet away from you.

Screwing his eyes shut he tried to think of unappealing images and not ones related to his teacher bending him over the bed and fucking him senseless right there and then.

Naruto bit his lip.

_'Damn it.'_

Turning around, he sprinted towards his bathroom, shouting "cold shower," over his shoulder.

Kakashi, letting out a shaky breath gave the room infront of him a nonchalant look. He walked over to one of the corners where a dark green backpack was sat up against the wall. Hearing a few loud bumps and then the spray of the shower, the copy nin grabbed the object and searched the younger boys room for some clean clothes and underwear along with various needed equipment for the weeks journey ahead of them.

While his search for everything else was successful he couldn't find a tent or a sleeping bag. He had looked in, around and on top of the wardrobe and draws but still hadn't come across  _any_  camping equipment. Luckily he had a spare sleeping bag the boy could have. He made his way over to the bed, bending down he picked up the orange duvet that had been dragged across the floor and spread it across the bed to make it look atleast half decent. As he did so a blur of black caught his eye as the object tumbled out of the duvet, landing on a pile of clothes on the floor.

Curiosity getting the better of him he walked around the bed to kneel down and grab the object. It seemed to be a book apart from it had no title, or no words for that matter, atall on the front or back of the black cover. He ran a gloved hand over the smooth surface and opened up to the first page. Reading the big, handwritten letters sprawled messily across the lined paper it said 'Naruto's diary'. Musing to himself he briefly noted the roughly sketched suriken and bowls of ramen.

_'I didn't know Naruto actually went out of his way to write... Or draw.'_  He chuckled under his breath.

A click of a door was heard from behind him indicating the other was out of the shower. Quickly slipping the black book into his supply pouch he turned around and was greeted with the sight of an almost naked Naruto with a white towel wrapped around his hips, hair dripping wet. Kakashi eyed the droplets of water sliding their way ever so slowly down the boys torso, past his belly button to be soaked up by the fluffy white material. It took all of his willpower in that moment to not just ravish the boy infront of him. He tore his eye away from the soaked genin and visibly gulped before chastising himself for letting his sight linger on Naruto's sun kissed body for longer than was necessary.

"Oh hey, thanks for packing my stuff Kakashi-sensei! I'm sorry I'm so late."

Turning around to distract himself from his perverted thoughts he carried on his search for the tent by looking under the bed, only to be met by a thick layer of dust.

"Mah, it's fine Naruto," without looking he chucked Naruto's usual orange jumpsuit in the blonde's direction. "Get changed, we should have left over an hour ago. Oh and where's your tent?"

Grabbing the clothes that were roughly chucked at him he visibly pondered the question for a minute or two, finally deciding on an answer.

"Oh that..." Kakashi sensed there was a long and painful story behind 'the missing tent' but was glad when the boy thought it best to just skip that entirely. "I don't have one."

"Ok you'll just have to share with Sasuke." Standing up and brushing himself off, the jounin turned and faced Naruto who was slipping his orange jacket on over a short sleeved black top, a disappointed expression on his face.

_'How the hell did he get dressed so fast?'_  Kakashi tilted his head and gave Naruto an odd look.

Refusing to look at Kakashi, Naruto grabbed his supply pouch, double checked the contents and then strapped it hastily around his waist before picking up the heavy backpack and slinging it over his shoulders.

Giving the room a quick glance over he made his way to the front door.

"Ready to go sensei!" Naruto sent a bright smile in his direction that didn't quite reach his blue eyes.

Nodding, the older of the two made his way over to the jinchuuriki. Leaving the apartment they jumped from roof to roof until they got to the main gate.

After being greeted by the full brunt of Sakura's rage and Sasuke's abhorrent glares while being called a 'dobe', Naruto and the others made their way out of the village at a fast pace, making up for lost time.

* * *

They'd been trudging through the forest for half a day now and by the fatigued looks that could be seen on the three younger ninjas it was time to have a short lunch break.

Settling in a nearby clearing the three genin lowered themselves to the ground, panting heavily. Sasuke and Sakura fumbled around in their bag until they pulled out a rice ball each. Naruto had collapsed onto his back, a cool breeze ruffling his blonde hair and hot face. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in, calming his racing heart.

Kakashi, having years of experience with away missions wasn't really phased by the distance they'd travelled and by the looks of it neither was Kayoko. Happy to skip lunch and take the shift as look out, he let the others know before jumping into a tree, hidden from view.

Closing his eye he focused his finely tuned senses on his surroundings. Not finding any foreign chakra signatures he deemed it safe enough for now.

Reaching behind him, Kakashi pulled out the black diary he had found earlier. Sitting back against the tree trunk, he turned the diary over in his hands. These were most likely Naruto's own private thoughts. Kakashi had no right to read them. So why did he take it? It was a spur of the moment thing wasn't it? After all he had been distracted at the time. The stuff written down couldn't be that bad, I mean... He's a thirteen year old boy.

_'So what if he's thirteen, by the time you were ten you'd seen a lot more than Naruto had.'_  A little voice nagged at him at the back of his mind.

Pushing the thought away he eyed the black book, flicking through the pages to see just how much Naruto had written. Quite a bit for someone who seemed to not be able to sit in one place for more than ten minutes.

_'I could read one page and return it when I get back to Konoha... Naruto doesn't need to know. One page wouldn't hurt.'_

He reached to open up to the second page when he stilled his actions, having second thoughts. After all how would he feel if someone intruded in on his privacy like he was about to do with his own student? He would resent it. Kakashi of all people should understand, he enjoyed his privacy very much – enough to go the extremes of hiding his own face. If someone were to betray him like he was about to do to Naruto he would lose trust in them completely. Plus he didn't exactly have a valid reason to go reading through his own students personal thoughts. It's not like the boy was a danger to himself or others. He wouldn't betray the village. He had no reason to be suspicious. So why was he even debating whether he should waste precious time reading through the pointless drabbles of a teenage boy.

_'They're not pointless though, Kakashi, are they?'_  The voice within his mind said, almost mocking him.  _'Anyway, I'm sure the stuff in the diary is more to do about ramen and Sakura than anything'_  it mused.

Flicking open the book to the first section of handwritten words he read the date. Almost two months old. As he started to skim the paragraph line by line he deeply regretted even picking up the diary in the first place but found he couldn't put it down.

* * *

_23rd March._

_Have you ever just sat down and wondered; 'what the hell am I doing with my life?'_

_Because I have. My life has been filled with moments where I just look back and think; 'what am I doing? This isn't me.'_

_So many times, I've wanted to just be myself, but I can't, or won't._

_Am I too scared, too frightened? I don't know. I mean, it's not like I'm not comfortable with who I am, I'm fine just being me._

_But time after time, I always seem to make these bad decisions... Like, I'll be about to do something, and I know what I should do, I know what I want to do, but then before I get a chance to do it, I just go ahead and do the complete opposite. I'm filled with instant regret, and I just stand there wondering why on Earth I just did that. And why is it that of late my life feels like it needs to be driven by some kind of motivation._

_Motivation that never comes, I can't just do things for the sake of doing them, I can't even do the things I want to, all because of this horrible feeling, I just sit here doing nothing, slowly feeling my life eb away. And then it's back to the same thing, I act like I'm okay, like I'm on top of things._

_I'll get there eventually right?_

_Wrong._

_It's all an act. But hey, I guess that's what I'm good at, acting._

_All my life I just lie to people, lie to myself, delude myself into this insufferable stupor. And again, this feeling that I need motivation, I need someone to give me a push._

_But I know no ones coming, I know that motivation is never going to come, the only way to fix this is to do it myself. I know that. But I still feel helpless, I know I can do it. I know I want to, but then, why do I still sit here lying to myself?_

_Why?_

_I surely don't know._

_And all this time I have horrible impending fear that something really bad is going to happen. But still, nothing. Nothing seems to drive me to do what I want. Nothing._

_Nothing._

_Maybe. Maybe him._

_All I do is sit around and collect these useless thoughts in any way I can, be it combat, missions or writing. All of them mean the same thing._

_I don't even know why I'm still awake. Ok maybe I do, I just won't admit it._

_All I want to do is cry out for help. I know I have Iruka who would jump at the chance to help me, but this is not something anyone can or should know._

_I have to remain strong and fend for myself. The world and my bitterness have turned me selfish. Which is as far from me as possible._

_But if I keep acting this way, then I really am going to end up like this forever. I know what I need to do, it's just, I need one last thing, one last missing piece in order to do it._

_And I have no idea what that missing piece might be._

_Him._

_Until then I guess I'll just have to keep falling down the endless abyss of my own personal nightmare. But oh well, in a few hours I'm meeting Sakura and Sasuke again. Maybe him if im lucky._

_I'll probably pass by a lot of people, maybe exchanging a few passing words. To them I'm probably no one, just another guy._

_But I pay attention to every last one of them, and all I want is for one of them to just reach out and talk to me, stay with me for a bit. End the insufferable pain of my every waking moment, end the thoughts of him._

_But to them, on the surface, I'll still look the starry eyed weirdo just passing by; 'the demon vessel', and they'll be none the wiser to how I really feel._

_I'll probably just lie in bed for the next few hours, cower in fear of my own being and unwanted thoughts I endure endlessly until I have to get up and do some work. I'll most likely fail as usual._

_Him. It's always him. It always will be._


	5. Chapter 5

_24th March_

_Today I met up with Sasuke and Sakura and we took turns sparring with each other. Sakura seems to be warming up to me more, probably because we are now forced to rely more on each other to learn since Kakashi-sensei never seems to be around anymore. I can't help but think I've done something wrong. Is it all my fault?_

_Even though Sakura seems to be enjoying my subdued behavior, Sasuke seems to dislike me more by the day. After having put up with years of abuse from the villagers, seeing hate filled eyes directed my way is nothing new but the ones I receive from Sasuke when he thinks I'm not looking really puts me on edge. He seems to have a knack for making you feel like he's looking into your very soul._

_I'd always thought me and Sasuke got on well up until this point, infact I enjoy training with him. Sure we don't act like we get on, He calls me 'dobe' and I call him 'teme'. Not once with malicious intent though. We are rivals. but it only spurs us on to become greater shinobi._

_Never up until now though has he ever directed such hate in my direction. He is another that I would consider 'friend' but does he feel the same way? I was so sure we had a bond between us but now I'm starting to think that perhaps it has always been a one sided thing._

_No of course not. He may act like a cold hearted bastard but I know that he's not underneath._

_Just angry; I can relate in a way._

_I don't think either of them have noticed my depression. Which means my mask is still good enough. Which means it hasn't yet slipped. I don't want them to know. Any of them. Especially Kakashi-sensei. What an awkward conversation that would be._

_Like he needs to deal with a depressed student on top of all of his other hard work. Then again I doubt he would really care all that much anyway. I know he hasn't been around that much but surely with such excellent perception skills he has noticed my change in behavior?_

_What am I saying? He's been busy with missions, that's why he rarely shows up anymore. Not because of me. I like to think that he would care how I felt._

_I hope so anyway..._

_After departing ways with Sasuke and Sakura, I went to see if there were any D-rank missions available._

_Usually I'd head to Ichiraku's but I've had no appetite recently. It's probably just a stomach bug or something._

_I was given a shitty mission - plucking weeds from various elderly peoples gardens. Why should I complain? It's these mind numbing missions that keep me distracted from thoughts I don't want or need._

_Still him. It always is._

_The Sandaime spoke to me today, I hadn't seen him in a while. He asked if I was alright. How I was feeling. I wanted to tell him the truth, I really did. I considered telling him about the lack of training team 7 had been receiving, but why should I when it's one of his best shinobi I would be talking about. It would be pretty selfish to get Kakashi-sensei in trouble just to reassure the old man that that was the only problem bothering me._

_I wouldn't want him to get in trouble. I don't want him to hate me more than he already does. It would be more for the others sake than mine anyhow. I don't really care all that much about my well-being anymore._

_I got told I looked pale. Probably the stomach bug._

_After my mission I headed home; knackered but yet, I'm sat here still writing this, which is a sure sign I'll be getting no sleep again. Fuck it. Who cares anyway?_

_I don't. It's a good thing. Do you know how fucking sick it makes me feel having to wake up every morning and deal with my 'problem' with only thoughts of him that bring me to my release?_

_I saw him today. I didn't speak, he didn't even know I was watching him. It looked like he'd just returned from a hard mission. I shouldn't be watching him. I should have just gone home._

_I can't help myself._

_It's disgusting how I can't control what I do anymore. I'm scared that this 'crush' which is bordering on obsession is consuming me whole. I feel that without him I'd be nothing. He is more me than I actually am._

_Without him I'm nothing._

_How can someone I barely know mean so much to me? Come to think of it, I don't know anything about his past... More reason to find out._

_What am I saying? He can barely look at me let alone talk about his life story._

* * *

_26th March_

_I miss having dreams._

_Normal dreams I mean._

_My goal in life was to become Hokage but there's only one goal that I have set for myself now, one that I'm still not entirely sure I want. It's leading me down a path of self destruction and I don't know how to find my way out of it. The chance of success in this particular goal are extremely low. I'll be lucky to make it out alive._

* * *

_30th March_

_Fuck._

_I was in hospital for three days after letting my fucking guard down - after getting fucking distracted by none other than Kakashi-sensei for one second._

_Yea he actually showed up for a regular training day for once._

_It was one v one, only taijutsu allowed, along with kunai. It was nothing unusual; a simple warm up really._

_But me being the idiot that I am had stood there - in the middle of a fight - locking eyes with my own sensei; Completely oblivious to the world around me. I saw the look in my mentor's eyes before I felt the pain. When the pain finally came it hit hard._

_All I remember was the burning sensation in my side from where Sasuke had stabbed me with quite some force. Looking down I saw an alarming amount of blood soaking through my orange jacket. At some point I must have tried to stop the bleeding with my hands seeing that those too were soaked in the crimson liquid._

_I felt my head hit the hard ground rather forcefully before everything turned black. The next minute, or so it seemed, I woke up in a clean white room of Konoha hospital._

_I've been pretty much locked up in there since. My wound must have been pretty serious but thanks to Kyuubi the rate at which I heal is a lot faster than the average human._

_I'm grateful for that since I've been so bored, I wasn't even allowed to go outside. All there really was to do was read ridiculous magazines about the latest gossip floating around Konoha. 'Who's hot and who's not?' Heh, I guess I could agree with some of the opinions written in there._

_It was that or sleep. And I **really**  didn't want to sleep. Especially with nurses coming into my room every few hours._

_Another thing that was grating at my nerves was not being able to write. I thought I was gunna go mad!_

_I had to admit though, the pain in my side distracted me for a while. It distracted me quite well actually. Even from the thoughts of him. Infact in a way I sort of enjoyed the pain; like I deserved every bit of it. A sort of punishment. Hmmm. It didn't last for long though; one of the damn consequences of having a demon sealed within me. That and the fact that a nurse decided to pump morphine into my blood stream. Bitch._

_What am I saying? Am I turning into some sort of masochist?_

_But hey, atleast I managed to get some sleep without the usual dreams and regular arousal as payment for waking up. I should knock myself out more often._

_Heh but anyway, it's nice to be back at home again. My wound has almost completely healed and will probably not even leave a scar. I can't help but feel a bit disappointed._

_A brief thought - did anyone actually come to visit me other than Iruka-sensei being the one person I was to see while conscious? Did the rest of team 7 bother? I doubt it, I shouldn't have such high expectations._

* * *

Kakashi remembered that day well. He was ashamed to say that he was unabashedly eyeing up Naruto while he was in the midst of a battle, rolling around in the dirt with Sasuke. For a brief moment they locked eyes, almost a second later Sasuke went through with his attack on Naruto.

He didn't know what the boy was playing at, the Uchiha had had enough time to stop himself before the blow hit. So why didn't he?

Once Kakashi rushed Naruto to hospital and left him within the safe hands of the medical ninja, he went to confront Sasuke.

The boy was a good liar, he'd give him that. If it weren't for the private lessons Kakashi was giving him in his free time he probably would have believed the 'it was an accident' story.

The truth was that the copy nin couldn't really do anything about it. He had no evidence that Sasuke deliberately hurt Naruto, neither had he been a witness to any past experiences such as this between the two. After all, like Naruto had stated, he was never really around to teach them anymore.

He felt guilty about it. He knew he could handle the work taking on a genin team but had let them down just because he was having inappropriate thoughts about one of the party. He was a bad teacher. He was weak.

He supposed that's why he took on Sasuke when he had asked him for extra training. Atleast he could do  _something_  useful, after all he was better equipped to teach Sasuke a lot more than he could Sakura and probably Naruto.

_'You're lying to yourself again.'_

Kakashi had been so caught up with trying to avoid Naruto for his own selfish means that he had completely missed the boys descent into unhappiness. It was clear he was distressed about the lack of training and contact he was  _meant_  to be having with his own sensei. And on top of that there was this unhealthy obsession with this man that had yet to be named... Kakashi had always thought the aesthetically pleasing young boy's attentions were focused solely on women. The copy nin was quite shocked really, especially after Naruto had made his feelings for Sakura so public all the time. Maybe that had been part of his 'mask'?

It was his responsibility, as a jounin instructor, to make sure his students health were in top condition, both mentally and physically. If he had cause for suspicion or if there were things he couldn't handle personally then they would be referred to the medical ninja. Which was usually quite bothersome, especially with mental instability. It was considered very dangerous if you were a shinobi; putting both your own and others lives at risk was usually the outcome of such feelings. Kakashi had had first hand experience with this and had been scolded for hiding his inner turmoil for so long.

He felt bad for reading Naruto's private thoughts but it had opened up a whole new view on the boy. He wasn't the stupid kid everyone thought he was, he was a human being and couldn't be expected to put up with stresses such as these at a young age. To be honest Kakashi dreaded what else he would find within the little book that was seated on his lap. These entries were two months old, had Naruto overcome his depression by now? Was he getting help with it? Had he sorted things with this 'man'? Or had his obsession grown even more? Either way the copy nin wanted to find out but it was way too suspicious to just come out and ask all of a sudden. Especially after having avoided the kid for so long and now wanting to be his 'best buddy' and expecting Naruto to open up completely to him would be near impossible. There were subjects that he had written that Naruto couldn't even talk to Iruka about. It was clear Naruto was still trying his best to act normal around the jounin. He still had reasons to be suspicious, the only way he would find out is if he read the rest of the diary. For his students own well-being. Right? Right.

He would just have to let the boy know that he was there for him if ever he needed anyone.

He swore that his own personal feelings wouldn't get in the way when he took on this genin team. He was so confident at the time but now look what he had caused. There wasn't a day that went by when he wouldn't look at Naruto and be reminded of Minato. His former sensei was like an adoptive father to Kakashi. He was there for him when his own dad had selfishly committed suicide and when both him and Rin had lost Obito on that fatal mission. And when he himself had killed Rin. He could never find the will to forgive himself for such a thing. But Minato had forgiven him.

What would Minato think if he knew about the thoughts that plagued Kakashi's mind day and night of the mans underage son? Would he be forgiven then?

Doubtful.

It still didn't make it right to focus all of his attention on training one and not the other two. Sakura had potential but seemed to be a typical teenage girl; crushing after Sasuke and starving herself would do nothing to help her with her future shinobi career. And Naruto. Well... Did he need to explain why it was too risky to take the boy off to train in private? Infact, it was too risky to even train the boy even with the other two there. Proof was written before him- if he hadn't been eyeing Naruto up and distracted the boy then he wouldn't have been in hospital for three days. Kakashi wouldn't have had to go home and wash the teens blood off his hands and hair and face. He would not have had to throw his blood stained clothes into the washer; watching the clear water taint a horrible red.

The jounin visibly choked. He could not see Naruto in such a state again. He  _refused_  to see such a thing happen to his little genin. The feel of the limp body he held in his arms, the only indication that the kid was alive was his shallow breathing. Too shallow for Kakashi's liking. In that moment he had let the panic building up inside him take him over, he had run to the hospital as fast as he could, not even registering the world around him and relying on pure instinct to get them both there. He had truly feared he would lose the most precious person to him that day.

It scared the shit out of him. How would he live if he ever lost Naruto? Probably the same way he had when he had lost everyone else dear to him. It was like a curse- everyone who touched his heart would die. Sakumo, Obito, Rin, Minato. He was cursed to live a life of isolation. He was used to it now. But who was there to pick up the pieces if he ever lost him? It would be like losing Minato all over again.

Apart from he hadn't been in love with Minato. He loved Naruto. He was  _in_  love with Naruto.

_'Im in love with Naruto.'_

He  _finally_  admitted it to himself. He felt a small weight lift from his shoulders. He sighed. He was in too deep. There was nothing he could do about it now and admitting was better than living in denial.

In no way would this change his firm decision on not taking advantage of the blonde. He still had to keep control; something he was having a hard time doing. Naruto was still so young. No one could ever know what the copy nin's feelings for Naruto were. It was forbidden. Naruto was forbidden.

_'Always want what you can't have, eh Kakashi?'_  He sighed, a sad half smile spreading across his lips, hidden beneath his mask. Even if he never got a shot with Naruto in the future, he would be happy for the boy when he found love, he wouldn't be surprised when that day came. Naruto cared for everyone around him and he was so genuine and innocent it hurt. He deserved someone decent, someone who could love him with all their heart. He knew Naruto would return that tenfold.

_'I just wish it could be me.'_


	6. Chapter 6

All that was heard within the confined space of the tent was heavy panting and the occasional breathy moan as the copy nin clenched his hands possessively around Naruto's hips. The blonde boy was straddling his waist while attempting to drag the man's dark blue mask down to his neck using only his teeth. Successful in his mission he licked and sucked the jounins bottom lip before lightly biting the soft flesh. The younger of the two grabbed a handful of silver hair, roughly pulling the the man down into a deep kiss, pink lips forcefully clashed together with his own.

His pants were now feeling uncomfortably tight as the blonde broke the kiss and started to pull the jounins flak jacket off, flinging it somewhere off to the side of them. The action caused Naruto's behind to rub firmly against Kakashi's erection, eliciting a pathetic whimper from the jounin. More out of reflex than anything he increased his already firm grip on Naruto's hips and ground upwards to gain that much needed friction between the two.

Unable to hold back, Kakashi leant forward and bit almost painfully hard into the blondes neck, causing the younger of the two to jerk further forward into the jounin's lap, an audible gasp splitting the relative silence within the tent.

Kakashi, himself, barely managed to smother a loud moan into the boys neck as the almost unbearable pleasure shot through his body from the others sudden jolt. Removing a hand from Naruto's hip he bought it up to place over the boys mouth to stop any louder noises escaping, as he carried on his thorough exploration of the others neck and throat. His breath hitched and a small shudder ran through him as he felt a warm tongue lapping at the palm of his hand, causing him to cease his own ministrations to snap his head up, focusing all of his smoldering attention on the boy straddling his waist.

Kakashi removed his hand and traced a finger over the boys plump, wet lips. Naruto's tongue darted out and was slowly dragged over the man's fingertip. The breath caught in Kakashi's throat when the blue eyed boy coaxed his finger into his wet mouth, devilishly swirling his tongue over the sensitive pad before sucking sinfully hard on the digit and dragging his teeth back up the length, all the while locking eyes with Kakashi.

Kakashi swallowed hard and leant in to whisper something into Naruto's ear, making the boy visibly shudder.

"I need you Naruto," Kakashi hated how his voice came out raspy and filled with desperation. "P-please," he stuttered as Naruto sucked particularly hard on his finger. He was close to almost begging the boy for release now.

_'You're so pathetic, Kakashi.'_

The boy released his digit and forcefully pushed Kakashi back onto the padding of his mat. Smirking at the sound of desperate want colouring the jounins tone of voice, Naruto raised himself onto his knees so that the friction between the two were lost and scooted further back before leaning over the man's very visible erection.

His mind reeling, he barely noticed the sound of a zipper being undone before he could feel his students hot breath through the thin fabric of his boxers. For so long he had fantasised about the sight presented before him, the blonde haired boys head where Kakashi had been begging it to be for months now.

Teasing his superior, Naruto nuzzled the rather large bulge infront of him, letting an appreciative moan escape past his lips. Unable to look at the sight that was Naruto on his hands and knees, bottom raised upwards like he was begging to be fucked, with his head between Kakashi's legs, now tracing a wet tongue over the dark material, he had to shut his mismatched eyes. The silver haired man leant his head back further into the soft pillow, parting his lips to inhale more oxygen into his lungs. This was so wrong but he felt like he was going to pass out if he was teased anymore. It was also a fact that if he looked any longer at the glorious sight before him he wouldn't be able to delay his own orgasm much longer.

Bringing his hand up to lace his fingers within the golden strands of hair he tried urging the younger boy on. Kakashi was having an extremely hard time trying to control himself and almost lost it when he thrust his hips up causing Naruto to press harder onto his aching cock.

"N-Naruto," the name was barely audible and was a rare occurrence in itself that the name would even be allowed to be voiced when Kakashi was in such a state of arousal.

The boy infront of him, still teasing, opened his jaw to take the clothed erection into his mouth, soaking the soft material from the insistent lapping of his tongue. Kakashi could feel Naruto's saliva that had seeped through the fabric onto his throbbing cock and jerked his hips upward, trying to push more of his length into the boys mouth but finding it impossible. He groaned in frustration under his breath at the lack of skin on skin contact.

Finally he felt soft fingers trace the hem of his boxers, ready to pull down the offending obstacle in the way of his sweet release when he heard shuffling outside of the entrance to his tent.

Kakashi stopped breathing, he felt his heart skip a beat painfully in his chest. He completely froze. Overwhelming panic rose up within him as he tried to focus his hazy mind on the chakra signature belonging to the person that had interrupted him. He felt his stomach drop when he knew exactly who had come to pay him a visit at this time of night.

_'Shit.'_

* * *

For half the night now Naruto had been tossing and turning. He could not sleep nor could he shake the thoughts and ideas that were popping into his head. Kakashi was asleep in the tent not 10 metres away from his own. Oh how he wished to be in there with his own sensei, even if it were to just watch him sleep. Over the past few days it had been almost unbearable but also amazing having to spend so much time with Kakashi. It was a rare possibility since the missions they were usually assigned were menial tasks throughout the village and even then Kakashi wouldn't participate.

That or he would have his own, more important missions to complete. But having to spend a  _week_  with the jounin - he wouldn't deny that it was like heaven but unfortunately it was also very much like hell.

His raging hormones and wondering eyes had  _not_  helped the situation in the slightest. Not only that but it was practically impossible to do anything about sating his needs when his rival was often sleeping so close to him. It was a small tent and barely big enough for both him and Sasuke to sleep in let alone trying to get away with getting himself off. Usually he would be able to feel the ravens body heat radiating through the sleeping bag and warming the tent but tonight Sasuke was on watch so he had the tent to himself.

Naruto briefly thought that this was probably as good a time as he was going to get if he were going to do anything, but he himself knew he wasn't exactly quiet when it came down to that sort of stuff...

And anyway he had other thoughts on his mind right now. After months of pining, (or more like obsessing) over his sensei he had managed to talk himself into trudging over to the others tent to blurt out his true feelings for Kakashi. Now was just as better than any other time. Atleast he would still have a few days with the other man before he never saw him again. After-all there really wasn't a possibility of himself not being rejected.

The young jinchuuriki had finally come to the decision that maybe if he were rejected face to face by the older man then his sick obsession would vanish and he would finally have true clarification rather than fantasising about something that would never happen. Sure he would be pretty cut up about it but all night he had been preparing for such a blow to his heart.

God he missed his diary though. He almost kicked himself for not remembering to pick it up before he left.

Sighing for the hundredth time that night he shifted to sit up-right on his sleeping mat and slung on his orange jacket. Dragging himself up tiredly he ducked his head as he slipped his shoes on. Unzipping the the tent he strolled out into the cool breeze of the early hours of the morning.

Giving the area a quick sweep with his eyes he found Sasuke was nowhere to be seen but could sense his chakra not far away from the camp. He spared a glance in the direction of Sakura's tent that she was sharing with Kayoko, glad to find they were both in a deep sleep after the efforts of the previous day.

Yesterday they had been attacked by three rouge ninja, they must have been atleast chunnin level. It was then that their suspicion about the kidnapping was confirmed as they tried dragging the white haired lady away, most likely to teleport themselves to somewhere secluded. Luckily they managed to sense their chakra approaching before they even appeared. Or Sasuke and Kakashi had atleast.

Must be all the private training that Sasuke had been getting that was paying off. Naruto scowled. It seemed that Kakashi had held off from the fight quite a bit, leaving Naruto and Sasuke to deal with the three the best they could - later saying that it was a good training exercise, while Sakura guarded Kayoko. Unfortunately the ninja had eventually overpowered the two boys. One holding Sasuke down into the dirt with a kunai to his throat and one holding Naruto down before injecting him with something. The last was in battle with the jounin.

The blonde haired boy unconsciously rubbed his throat where he had felt the needle seep into his skin. It wasn't long though before the man invading his space was forcefully thrown off of him by Kakashi.

They were no match for the copy nin but unfortunately one of the rouge ninja escaped while the other two were knocked unconscious and tied up. Kakashi then summoned Pakkun to send a message to the Leaf with information about the enemy and their location, along with the details of the ambush.

Naruto had refrained from telling his team mates about the weird substance that had been injected into him. He had been pretty worried at first but decided to keep it to himself to refrain from being a burden, unless he started to develop any weird symptoms. It had been quite a while since the incident and he still felt perfectly fine so assumed that Kyuubi had rid his body of the substance that was most likely meant to have killed him.

Deciding that he had delayed longer than he should have he silently walked towards his sensei's tent. As he approached he could hear noises coming from within, mainly heavy breathing and the occasional...whimper? Naruto furrowed his brow, maybe Kakashi was having a bad dream. Perhaps he should leave him, it was an unreasonable time to talk about such a thing anyway.

He turned to leave but being the klutz that he was stumbled over an unseen rock, only just managing to catch his balance. Cringing from the sudden noise he noted that the noises from within the tent had stopped. There was then the familiar sound of a shadow clone popping out of existence.

Utterly confused he turned back around to face the entrance to the tent. Still silence.

"Kakashi-sensei?" He whispered, just audible enough for the other to hear.

There was a long pause, almost long enough to convince Naruto that the man was infact asleep.

"Yes?" Startled, Naruto noted that the man sounded somewhat breathless.

Taking the reply as a confirmation to proceed into the tent he unzipped the door and stepped in. Looking at his sensei he noted that the man was not wearing his flak jacket or hitai-ate and was sat up with his sleeping bag covering him from the waist down. He looked pretty tired.

"Can I help you with anything Naruto?"

Turning around to zip the door back up it was then that he noticed the overpowering smell of arousal within the confined space. Naruto froze, not looking at his superior. His nose twitched and his face was flushed an embarrassing shade of pink. Luckily the darkness would cover the blush.

He couldn't reply. He was still letting the whole incident sink in. The heavy breathing and the whimpering he had heard... It had been his own sensei pleasuring himself. It was evident from the smell lingering in the tent. And the shadow clone? Oh god. The image in Naruto's head was almost too much and he could already start to feel his trousers tightening.

He willed himself to stay calm and remember why he had come here in the first place. Nodding to himself he turned around and sat at the end of Kakashi's makeshift bed. Trying to avoid looking at his sensei he swept his gaze over the tent and noted there was a lot more room than there was in Sasuke's.

_'Seems this is one of the advantages of being a higher ranked shinobi. Heh.'_

Clearing his throat, he said, "ah yeah... Um I actually came here to talk to you about something."

He still refused to look at Kakashi. Perverted Images were still running through his head, wondering just what Kakashi had ordered his clone to do. Two Kakashi's sounded amazing right now.

_'There's no way I'm gunna be able to have this conversation is this state.'_  He grimaced.

The whole incident had thrown him off track, he had a whole speech prepared but for the life of him he couldn't remember one word that he wanted to say. And heck if he wasn't going to do this properly.

"Go ahea-" "Y'know, never mind, it's not important anyway," he rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, "Ahhh I'm sorry if I woke you Kakashi-sensei."

He stood up to leave, trying to hide the tent in his trousers the best he could.

"Naruto."

He stopped in his tracks at hearing something within his sensei voice that he couldn't quite decipher.

"Please," he almost sounded desperate. "Please stay, I need to talk to you about something aswell."


	7. Chapter 7

Naruto looked at his sensei and nodded once before sitting back down. It dawned on him then that Kakashi actually wanted to speak to him instead of ignore him. Naruto felt like cheering.

"Is something wrong sensei?"

Kakashi seemed to hesitate for a while, rearranging his thoughts. "Actually yes. I've recently noticed your change in behaviour Naruto. You seem a lot less... How can I put it? Um... Hyperactive? Enthusiastic?... Happy?"

Naruto could tell this was an awkward conversation for the copy nin. Hell it was awkward for Naruto...

"Um I mean, you seem down Naruto. Really down and as your sensei I have cause to be concerned. I won't take action since you seem to be doing well enough in your missions and training but if I see any deterioration in either of these things or see that you could be a danger to yourself or others I have no choice but to report it."

Naruto frowned, almost glared at Kakashi. How the hell did he know  _anything_  about Naruto's training? He was never around for it! On top of that Naruto felt like a complete idiot. He thought he was doing well trying not to show his other, more depressing side. Had Sasuke and Sakura noticed? If Kakashi had and he was barely around then it must be obvious for anyone who had known his past self.

Another scary thought; did Kakashi  _know_  about his obsession over him? Did he  _know_  he watched his sensei from afar every chance he got? Naruto paled.

"It's not something I want to do Naruto, truly. But this seems to have been going on a while now and I've seen no improvement. It's none of my business what your personal life entails but may I ask if you're getting help?" Kakashi looked sheepish.

Naruto looked away, feeling quite dizzy all of a sudden. For a long while he just stared at the floor, not even bothering to answer. Of-course he wasn't getting any help, he couldn't let anyone know about how he felt. He felt  _ashamed_  about how he felt. Plus he didn't trust anyone enough to know his most private thoughts and feelings.

He felt Kakashi lean over and place a warm hand on his shoulder. It was only then that he realised he had been shaking as he felt himself calm at the gentle touch.

"Naruto, if there's ever anything you need to talk about I'm here for you. I'll always be here and please don't hesitate to confide in me if you ever need to. I'll be happy to help with  _anything_ ," the hand on his shoulder tightened a fraction.

For the first time in months Naruto felt something warm and happy bubble up to spread through his entire body. Kakashi  _did_  care about him. He was offering his support and help that Naruto so desperately needed. It was a shame his sensei couldn't help with  _everything_  but Naruto was just happy that his sensei actually cared.

He cared! It was such a relief after the months of avoidance. He was getting somewhere finally.

Naruto beamed a smile at his sensei that could have lit up the whole tent. He flung himself across the distance between them and latched his arms around Kakashi's body, hugging him tightly.

"Thank you sensei," he sniffed, tears stinging his eyes.

They stayed like that a long while but Naruto soon unlatched himself when he felt Kakashi tense under his arms. He was clearly uncomfortable with the invasion of his personal space. It was probably a good thing he had let go otherwise Naruto wasn't sure what he would do since his body had started to betray him and the hell was he going to be rutting up against his teacher like that one incident not long ago. Naruto still felt embarrassed about that. But being in close proximity to Kakashi always did this to him, let alone the thoughts of what Kakashi had been doing earlier weren't helping atall...

_'Now is not the time Naruto!'_

Naruto was almost taken aback when he felt overwhelming tiredness consume him in that moment. He stifled a yawn, he still wanted to ask his teacher one last thing.

"Kakashi-sensei? Y'know if... If like..." Naruto didn't really know how to word it.

"Hmm?" Kakashi tilted his head with a questioning look.

"Like, if there was someone you liked, like really  _liked_... But you knew it could never work or it just wasn't appropriate... Um what-" he gulped, "what would you do? What shou-"

_'What should I do?'_  He wanted to say. The blonde shook his head.

* * *

Kakashi hadn't expected Naruto to ask that. He felt like laughing really... How ironic that he had just told Naruto he would help him with anything and he had to go and ask  _that_  of all things.

If Kakashi knew the answer to that then he would have put the knowledge to good use by now.

Instead he smiled at the boy and ruffled his hair - something, he realised, he hadn't done for a very long time. "Well it all depends on how much you feel for that one person I suppose."

Before the boy could reply he reached into his trouser pocket and pulled out the note that Hinata had handed him a few days ago. To be honest he had been hesitant to hand it over to Naruto, but the boy had every right to take it. It was for him anyway.

"Here you go Naruto, I was told to give this to you, I completely forgot, sorry," he lied. Kakashi held the paper out towards Naruto and gentle fingers brushed over his own as the boy took it. Kakashi almost shivered at the contact.

This whole meeting had been a test of his self control from the moment Naruto had walked in. He was still utterly aroused and having the boy hug him earlier had spiked his arousal even more.

"Thanks sensei," Naruto yawned.

Kakashi grinned. "You should probably head to bed Naruto, try and get some sleep, ne? I'm off to take over Sasuke as look out anyway."

The blonde just nodded and stood up to leave. He yawned again. "Cya later sensei, thanks for the talk."

"No problem," he whispered as Naruto unzipped the door and trudged back to his tent, stretching his arms above his head on the way.

Kakashi sighed to himself as he swept his gaze around the tent. The only reason he had even thought to have that conversation was because of the stuff he had read in Naruto's diary. He couldn't just let him suffer in silence and it was clear that he had missed the company of his sensei. He wished he could make all of Naruto's troubles vanish but it was not possible, the least he could do was be there for him, no matter how hard it was on his own self control.

It was ridiculous to keep avoiding the boy now - like he had been - after finally admitting to himself his true feelings. Sure – what he felt for the boy was less than innocent but all he wanted was to help Naruto and watch over him like Minato had asked of Kakashi. And that's exactly what he would do from now on.

* * *

Having dressed back into his usual attire, Kakashi stepped out of his tent and zipped the door up. There was a chill in the air but he shrugged it off and headed towards a shadowy figure that could be recognised as Sasuke.

"Yo Sasuke, you can go get some sleep, I'll take over for the rest of the night," he reached towards the figure in a friendly gesture but before his fingertips could brush the others shoulder the boy vanished into a puff of smoke.

Kakashi furrowed his brow as the real Sasuke stepped into the clearing behind him.

"Got you, ne sensei?" There was an amused glint in his eyes. "Shadow clones come in so  _helpful_ , don't you agree  _sensei_?"

Sasuke stared at him, waiting for a reply. Kakashi felt extremely awkward.

"That they do Sasuke."

The Uchiha's gaze lingered on Kakashi for far too long. The raven smirked and the gaze was broken when he turned and lifted his arm in a silent farewell as he walked towards the tent Naruto had entered not long ago.

_'Such a weird kid.'_

Shaking the uneasy feeling off he headed for a nearby log that made a suitable bench.

His thoughts drifted to the recent entries he had read in Naruto's diary. A lot of them were about his daily activities about how Kakashi hadn't shown up for training  _again_  and the team had had to be trained by Gai that day or Asuma or some other skilled shinobi that barely even had the time for them. He had also noticed Naruto's appetite decreasing each day that he conveniently blamed on a 'stomach bug'. It clearly correlated with this worrying obsession over this man. It seemed Naruto didn't even spare the time to eat between missions, training and spying (now his new hobby). And even when he did it just made him feel sick apparently.

Kakashi frowned. Another thing that seemed to disturb the jounin was Naruto's new addiction to pain. He had said on multiple occasions how he would deliberately falter in battle or during training so that he would get wounded. Not badly enough to end up in hospital but enough to cause him quite a bit of discomfort. On the occasions when he would be confronted by rather drunk villagers he would let himself endure their beatings. Happy in the knowledge that he was rightfully being 'punished'.

It was getting worse the more Kakashi read and these entries were still over a month old. He was really worried about Naruto but he wouldn't be too hasty in his assumptions. Earlier he had asked the young shinobi if he was getting any help and by looking at his body language it was clear that he wasn't. That was one thing cleared up atleast. Fingers crossed that Naruto would come to him for help from now on.

_'Yeah right, after treating the boy like a piece of shit what makes you think he'll come to you for anything anymore?'_  His conscience whispered to him. Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned.

He felt like crap that he had resorted to using a shadow clone that was henged to look like Naruto. It was the first time he'd attempted it and was, in a way, glad the real Naruto had interrupted him. He would have felt pretty damn guilty if he'd let the clone relieve him, afterall it had been a replica of the  _thirteen_  year old boy. For fuck sake.

To be honest though his hand was no longer anywhere near enough to satisfy him anymore. Anything else would be better, but he knew he just couldn't bring himself to sleep with any randomer like he used to be able to. He was sexually frustrated and all he wanted to do was make Naruto his.  _Fuck._

He sighed and looked down at the prominent bulge in his pants. He was  _so_  close to feeling Naruto's hot, wet mouth around him early and if he had the option he would be begging for it right now. No. Not Naruto. His clone.

He tried to imagine what it would feel like to be sucked off by the  _real_  Naruto. Kakashi bought a hand down to palm his erection through his trousers. He bit his lip under his mask and closed his eyes as pleasure swept through his body. His breathing hitched as he lost himself completely within his fantasies, all the while stroking himself through the coarse material.

He thought about a particular entry in the diary that he shouldn't have read but did for his own sick pleasure. It was about Naruto pleasuring himself in great detail. How he had laid on his bed, stroking himself, two fingers sliding in and out of his tight hole. How he had accidentally found his prostate - having never done such things before. How quickly it had brought him to his release.

How there was a roughly sketched picture of Kakashi on the next page, fully dressed, reading Icha Icha and how he couldn't help himself but link the two together. He was sure that it didn't correlate in anyway but It had almost broken him seeing that. If Naruto had been anywhere near him at that moment he would have just taken the boy anyway, regardless of morals and all that bullshit. He would have _fucked_  Naruto so  _hard_. Shit...

He palmed his erection harder, eliciting a small moan. He was so close to his climax now. Almost...

There was a loud yawn a few metres behind him signalling that Sakura was awake and walking towards the, now very aroused, copy ninja. He ceased his actions and so very nearly growled out loud in frustration. Damn her! He needed this!

He evened his breathing out, still trembling, he could feel his cock throbbing beneath the layers of fabric. He was so  _close_. He shifted uncomfortably as he looked over his shoulder. He crossed his legs to hide his arousal as she sat next to him, clearly still sleepy.

"Hey Kakashi-sensei," she yawned again and gave him a sweet smile.

Kakashi stared blankly back at her, still trying to calm his raging hormones.

"Hello Sakura, are you ok? You're up early," he really didn't care right now.

"Oh I'm ok thanks, you seem a bit cold though, do you want me to get you a blanket sensei?" She eyed his trembling form up.

_'No Sakura I want you to piss off so I can reach my climax.'_  He pinched the bridge of his nose. That was harsh. He did genuinely like Sakura... Just not right now.

"Mah, no thanks Sakura, I'll be fine," he manage to conjure up a smile to keep her at ease.

His erection still refused to wilt.  _'Perhaps a blanket would have been a good idea.'_  He ignored the thought.

"So, why are you awake so early, we still have another few hours until sunrise?"

"Oh I just couldn't sleep. I kept hearing people walk about outside, I think it was just Naruto and Sasuke but it really put me on edge. This forest kinda creeps me out a bit," she blushed.

"Well you'll be glad to hear that by tomorrow night we'll be camping a few hours from the village so we should be out of this forest by then," he reassured her.

She nodded once, seemingly content with the knowledge.

"Hey sensei, where's your book? I've not seen you read in since we started the mission."

He visibly pondered. He had actually forgotten about his beloved book having replaced it with a very personal and private diary. Like he was about tell  _her_  that. He sniffed in amusement.

"I lost it during training the day before we departed, kinda a pain, ne?" He tried his best to look visibly pained. "Why do you ask? Did you plan on borrowing it?" He hid a sly smile.

Sakura's expression turned to one of utter horror and disgust at the idea. "That's disgusting! I would never ever ever think about reading such filthy... Degrading... Horrific... PERVERTED material!" She stood up to focus all her fury at Kakashi. "Kaka-sensei you're such a pervert!"

He smirked at her reaction, it was always fun to wind her up. She blushed then at her unnecessary outburst towards her superior and promptly sat back down onto the makeshift bench. They sank in to a comfortable silence, lost in their own thoughts. Kakashi was glad that he had finally calmed down his previous urges and visibly relaxed.

The sky was no longer black but was now a dark blue, indicating sun was starting to rise. He could hear the chirping of birds ringing through the forest.

"I was talking to Kayoko earlier and I found out something interesting about her clan sensei."

"Hmm? Oh what's that then?"

"Well apparently she's not as young as she looks. She said that her clan has a bloodline limit that makes the females age five times slower than normal humans. I asked her if it was the same for males and she said that only females inherit the ability."

Kakashi thought over the interesting information that had been handed to him and stored it within his mind to look into at a later date.

"Do you believe her Sakura?" He genuinely wanted to know what she thought on the matter.

She shrugged, "I don't see why not."

He felt her hesitate, like she wanted to ask him something. She waited a few minutes before deciding that she would voice her question.

"Kakashi-sensei?"

"Yes Sakura?"

"I know its personal and I understand if you don't answer but well... What is your mum like?"

It took Kakashi by surprise really, he hadn't thought about his mother in a long time. He hated talking about his private life, especially his family but he saw no harm in telling her the truth and letting slip something about his life just this once.

"Well, I never knew my mother. She died when I was a baby, I've never even seen a picture of her," he shrugged like it was no big deal. But in truth he had always wished he had known his mother, especially in the days of his youth when he really had needed her there.

Sakura looked horrified for a moment before looking very very sad.

"But it's ok, I'm still alive right?," he gave her an eye smile. She turned her gaze to the floor.

"Right," she sighed. "I'm very sorry to hear about your mum Kakashi-sensei, I can't imagine what I'd do if I lost either of my parents."

He looked at her with concern. "It was a long time ago Sakura, I'm over it so there's nothing to worry about. There's also no point living in the past, what's happened has happened and there's nothing you can really do but move on is there?"

"No but it still hurts, even if things are left in the past, it doesn't mean we forget," she was still looking at the ground.

"It's true we never truly forget those that are left in the past," he turned his head away when thoughts of his old teammates flashed through his mind, his sensei and his dad and his fallen comrades, it still hurt but the wounds had slowly healed over time, even if there was a scar left behind. "But it's worth the struggle when you look back at what you've lost and realize what you have now is much greater and it's then that it makes you truly come to terms with the fact that bad things  _need_  to happen in order for the new, more important things to blossom."

He turned to face the pink haired kunoichi who had now shifted to look up at him. There were tears in her emerald eyes. She leant over and hugged him, he tried his best to comfort her as silent tears slid down her cheeks.

"Thank you sensei," she sniffed.

A few moments passed before Sakura pulled herself together and once again separated the distance between the two. It looked like her mood had improved after receiving that much needed comfort and let out what she had been holding inside of her.

Kakashi wondered what had affected his student but it really wasn't his place to ask. Her mood had improved by the looks of it anyway.

She gave him a curious look with a hint of a teary smile.

"Y'know Kakashi-sensei... It's probably just a coincidence but I can imagine that Kayoko would have looked a lot like your mum."


End file.
